{ing} life

My brain goes round and round lately with blog posts.  I'm frozen though.  Blocked, sort of.  Some of life is (thankfully) too boring and mundane to be bloggable; making that intriguing reading is a gift I have not been blessed with.  There are interesting things though, things I'd love to "talk" about, confess, confide...seek help with.  There's the rub though.  What's wise?  What do I really want out in the blogosphere?  Sometimes I think about abandoning my blog all together, sometimes I think about jumping back in but keeping it light, superficial; sometimes I think about starting over somewhere else, anonymously.

I'll keep wrestling with that.

In the meantime, I saw this on Abby's blog, Murdock's Mama, and I loved it.  And wanted to copy it.  So I did.  I'm really hoping she doesn't mind.  I saw it as a great place to jump in, catch up a bit, on what's going on here.

{ing} life

 {Thinking}  Thinking, thinking, thinking.  My thoughts spin around and around, usually circling right back to where they started.  So much feels out of control right now.  Okay, deep breath.  I'll simplify.  Thinking about whether we'll head to the pool tonight, have a family movie night, or a family game night.  Win. Win. Win.

{Thankful}  Thankful for all that we have.  Thankful that we had such a lovely summer that makes it so hard to leave it behind.  Thankful that we focused on all we did have--time together, instead of the things we didn't have this year.

First day of 6th and 4th grades.

{Hoping}  Hoping Jacob and Julianna have good school years this year.  Julianna's throwing me a bit.  She's always been my girl to love school.  Everything about it.  Not so much this year.  Her teacher made it clear she's a big homework fan (an hour a day, boo!), but it's much more than that.  She's struggling with friendships and it can make recess hard...and long...and isolating.  It breaks my heart to see my girl that used to bounce out of here early every day, excited beyond pale to get to school, all weighed down with disappointment and disillusionment.  Hopefully it will get better. 

{Blessed}  By being able to work at home.  By the families I work for.  The kids are nice, the families are responsible, dependable.  There's give and take in any work situation, but overall I have found one that works really, really well for my family and it makes me feel extremely blessed.

{Overwhelmed}  This being a working mom thing is hard!  Really hard.  It was always our intention that I would be a stay at home mom, but circumstances have forced us to change that.  I'm thankful that I get to work at home, I'm thankful for the control and the choices I have, but there are times it's just really, really hard.  Wednesday, Julianna's first day of school, the school called to tell me she was sick.  The kids I watch were all sound asleep, none of the carseats were in my car.  It was hard.  The mom part of me wanted to drop everything and run to the school, my baby needed me, the working part of me knew that wasn't possible.  It all turned out fine, my daughter in law saved me and went and got her, but I felt terrible that I wasn't the one to rush to her.  I'm probably not doing a great job expressing it, it wasn't this one, manageable, circumstance per se, it's the constant difficulties with working and having kids.  Unexpected doctor visits?  Impossible to schedule, or I have to take many children with me that aren't mine and make it hard to concentrate.  If I worked outside the home, it would be easier to get time off, but with the job I have, it's difficult.  It's the beginning of the year, it will all smooth itself out, it's just for right now, it's a bit overwhelming.

{Dreaming} Not sure this is exactly dreaming, but looking forward to Mark's and my date Sunday morning.  Saturday marks 31 years since we met, we're going out for brunch on Sunday.  It's been a long time since we had some couple time.  I'm looking forward to it.

{Dreading}  Yay!  Go me!  I'm not actively dreading anything.  Oh sure, I could come up with a whole scary list of things I'm dreading, but not any active threats or worries.  I'm surprisingly zen about starting school, starting work, Rebekah being at school and not hearing from her very much (*ahem*), time marching on.  Not sure what to attribute my peace of mind to, but I'll take it!

{Reading}  I just finished Moon Shell Beach, by Nancy Thayer.  Before that I read, Beachcombers (Nancy Thayer), Summer Breeze (Nancy Thayer),and Heat Wave (Nancy Thayer).  Yes, I've been on a huge Nancy Thayer bender.  I am really enjoying all of them and lamenting that I've gone through almost everything she's written that's in a similar vein. I still have Summer House left!  I'll be looking forward to her next Nantucket book, but in the meantime I'm going to give her The Hot Flash Club books a try.  They look very different from the ones I've been reading, not sure if they're for me or not, but there's one way to find out!

Do you do this?  So often I fall asleep early at night (anywhere between 9:30 and 11:00), then wake up, wide awake, a few hours later.  Wide awake.  Unfortunately, it seems almost impossible to go back to sleep, so I read for a couple of hours until I can fall asleep again.  Over the summer it worked out fine, with a 5:30 wake up call during the work school year, not so much.  I'm going to have to try and break the cycle, but I do admit it's so delicious to have that reading time.

Read any good books lately?

{Excited}  I'm excited it's FRIDAY!!  I have always loved Fridays, but I will admit being back in the school/work cycle makes them even more delicious!  I'm so looking forward to two days of time with my family to recharge/refresh.

{Working}  On figuring out something to do for me.  I'd love to take a knitting class, or a cooking class, or a quilting class.  I need something to fill my time and occupy my hands, my job can often involve sitting and talking and interacting, but I'd love something creative to do with my hands while I'm doing that.  Obviously, a cooking class wouldn't really fill that bill (or a quilting, now that I think about it), but they would fulfill the creative void I'm feeling.  Ideas?  Advice?

{Praying}  Praying for Mark and his work situation.  Praying for Jacob and Julianna and school.  Praying that this is a great year for Rebekah--junior year.  No immediate worries about finding a job, and you've found, at least to a degree, your way around campus.  Praying for good things for her.  Praying too for my mom as she experiences some health issues and for my dad as he struggles with knowing when to say when to work.      

I had to add a couple of my own:

{laughing} I was up most of the night...first it was Julianna up not feeling well, then Mark grinding his teeth, then Julianna up, then Mark grinding, then Julianna...then, who the heck could go back to sleep after that never ending cycle?  Anyway, turning on Facebook this morning and seeing a message from Melisa (from the wonderful Suburban Scrawl) to check out a recipe, and it's comments, you have to read the comments; made me laugh and smile and laugh some more.  Check it out. (I'm still chuckling just thinking about it...I think I'd forgotten how good it feels to laugh.)

{cooking/baking} I have completely lost my mojo.  Every afternoon it's the same old, same old.  I do not want to make dinner.  Thankfully I'm still meal planning so it comes together in spite of me, but I long to enjoy doing it again, instead of it seeming like an endless chore.

On a more positive note, I found an awesome bread recipe this week:  Honey Oat Wheat Bread.  It's delicious and soft and easy and perfect.  I love it!

Unfortunately, this week had it's share of bummers as well.  I tried to make ciabatte and failed miserably.  I tried a new cookie recipe without reading the reviews (which were terrible) and they weren't very good.  Ugh!  All that time and effort wasted.  Worse than that actually, all that time and effort culminating in making me feel bad about myself and my abilities.  I need to stop that voice in my head. 
  
Thanks Abby.  I've really enjoyed hijacking your idea.  What a great way to capture what's going on at this point in time.  If anyone else decides to join in, let me know in the comments, I'd love to read about it.